laura darcy ↟

I am here to sew seeds for a more remembered way of being, a more connected tomorrow.
& through all of this, I am still discovering all of the pieces of me. 

I have learned,
Home is not a location.
It is a trusted sense of self.

I am honest. 
I didn't always honour and love all of my pieces. 
At moments I hid from my story. Feeling like I was "too much" and "not enough" tightly pinched into one disconnected body.
& I broke. My heart begged of me to learn from the cracks, to journey into the darkness and remember the light. To love the foundations of my own home and live in the embodiment of my wholeness. But, I was never taught how to, how to grow into my entirety.

This became My Roadtrip Home. I grew up in the comforts of a small town. Comfortably unaware of the roadblocks and headspace my crafted stories were taking up - the ones that wrote the narrative for how I showed up in my body, and in turn the world. The conditioning that raised me and societal pressures that pinned me down. Without realizing, I was playing small. It was in that small space that I learned how to retreat from my body. To slip out of my own skin. I created an aching relationship to the container my heart beat within - as a woman conditioned to believe that my worth was found outside of myself, I learned how to leave myself behind, to source belonging beyond the outline of my physical body. This was the first time I left home. 

In my early 20’s I followed a heart pull ( the ones that never lead you astray ) to move to Vancouver, BC. A feeling so strong, that it moved my half-awake body - solo across the country. I left all things familiar to build and (un)learn. This journey became my roadtrip back home to myself. The journey inwards. The vast landscape and mountains of BC held me well I broke open, it’s ocean tide’s swam in to hallow me out and wash me clean. It was through this terrain that I explored the strength and sweetness of my own.

The thing is, I always knew I was different. I knew the capacity that lived inside of my heartbeat. That my light was pure. But I was slowly dimming her out trying to become the light I believed everyone else wanted me to be - the perfectly packaged one, the one they would finally accept me for - the one they would fight for and choose.

I began to strip down my walls and for the first time in a long time I stood naked without any armour. I met myself here - presently pressing my hand against my heart, and asked her “what do you need?” I made contact with the dull of my eyes in the mirror and slowly began seeing the girl beneath my physical form. It hit me with the impact of a derailed train that I had let my light grow so dim trying to strike a flame on the expectations of another’s match. This was the battle that landed me in a haze of smoke, so thick and so outside of myself I lost my spark along the way.

“Journey with me.” She whispered back. A journey of how to source safety from within.

I declared this was the last time I would leave my home. The home that I was building in my body, the one that was aligned with the compass of my heartbeat. That I would honour the woman I am today and becoming tomorrow. It was admits my own smokescreen that I waved my white flag of surrender.

For you see, it is a women’s birthright to rise + rupture. We are the entanglement of the moon in all of her phases, shaped by the same sacred hands as nature is. Abundant in the cycles of becoming. I began to devote my energy to gentleness. Discovering who I was outside of who the world told me I needed to be.

I got real. Vertebrae by vertebrae I reconstructed my back bone.
I grew taller with honesty. The wider I opened the more in touch I felt. I made time for self-forgiveness - exercising my muscle of trust. Trust in self. I remembered my resiliency and what it felt like to have the freedom of self expression and self-awareness, the deep medicines of feeling and I began to nurture that connection. The one I had with the brilliance of my own body, my home.

I let walls down to love bigger. Played everyday for perspective. Leaned into people and found the courage to lean into myself. I learned to hold myself with sacred hands - and to let another support me when I crumbled. I learned that I was safe to not have it all figured out (we aren’t meant to) and that I was never lost in the first place instead I was invited to remember I had been here all along. So, I learned to show up for myself. day, after day, after day - no matter the season.

I began to find comfort in the softness of my own skin, simply by trusting I was already enough. It was in the unraveling, that I fell in love with myself again.

I laid down the weighted blanket of expectations and their false sense of safety and I met myself here - exactly as I was, and I felt it. Deep in my belly etching it’s imprint into my heart. As clarity began to dance across my mind I felt into a resurgence of vitality. The energy that only comes from being in ones body. The energy of soul re-igniting.

It was here in the dance of remembrance, fluid in the footsteps of grace.
That I cracked opened the door and welcomed myself home.
A remembrance that you are enough, simply because you are.
& everyday I continue to remember - everyday she whispers “you are home.”

this right here, is my why.