I spent my weekend getting lost + found in the trees.
Who am I outside of everything else. That the doing, is in the being. It's about how we move through the world. To build the capacity to be all of us + live from that place, worthy of it’s beauty just because we are.
january starts slow + sweet.
it’s our heart’s whispers that create the most aligned footsteps.
this year, i’m meeting january a little differently.
inviting it to be about the recharging.
the returning home.
reconnecting, before being swept forward unaware.
reflection of just how far i’ve come.
reclaiming how i truly want to continue.
as to not rush the being, inside.
to not rush the process and the sacred moments in between.
so i may walk forward — tall and open to what the world is inviting.
last year — changed the trajectory of my life.
drawing my closer into the embodiment of the woman i choose to be, by surrendering into the being itself.
it’s taught me to choose moments + unconditional love above anything else.
living in the sacred commitment to presence.
letting love grow here.
after moving eight times.
living in three provinces.
upwards of twenty flights.
heart openings + heart releasing.
being on the run, the go.
continuing to meet and be held by the most incredible humans, nurture + be nurtured by the most loving communities.
in one year.
i’m brimmed with gratitude + the only intention my body can hold, is deep rest.
i’m craving being be close myself.
slow + tender.
sweet + surrendered.
embodied breath.
embodied being.
embodied surrender.
creating the space to be.
rewiring the conditioning to do —
so I may be present to what is so beautifully waiting to unfold next. to empty the cup + let it froth over once again.
recharge your light — so you may find your own way.
nothing to prove.
nothing to rush towards.
simply you, your body and your breath.
let loving you be easy.
the world knows it to be true.
it’s in the rest, we find the next opening.
darling, you’re safe to rest.
this is where grace is born.
.
.
january’s winter whispers. xx
01/08/2020.
Source: blogpost
the landscape of my life
fluidity waves through every ounce of my body -
reaching my arms up and overhead, spirit lingers and pulses out of my finger tips
and the frequency of my experience here in this moment is unspoken.
my hips sway their essence from side to side, churning circles like windmills and my breath expands though the spaces between each and every perfectly packaged rib. i’m honoured by the simplicity of this moment.
the one where I feel.
skin.
breath.
emotion.
embodied.
barefoot on the sand, i wash the rest away with the deep blue + say a naked prayed.
i turn up the corners of my lips, tilt my chin back + open the front of my chest to the heavens.
my heart space upwards and open to the world
and i simply smile.
naked + embodied.
winter; the sweetest season of surrender.
“ i love you. “
she whispered.
the sweetness revolution.
I found intimacy here.
bowing my head to my heart + giving the earth permission to slowly kiss my cheeks.
just here.
exactly as i am, i surrendered.
week one : 2019
day 02
Date: January 02 2019
Location: Chez Angela Bakery and Cafe
Local Time: 11:46am
Tasting Notes: started the morning with a large glass of water + lemon. to cleanse my weary soul.
Feeling: questioning alignment.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
redefining + rediscovering.
last night before i tucked into my second sleep in my new studio apartment, white walls began to tower around me as yellow street lights burned into my window and cast stern shadows upon my collarbones-
pressing into my chest as i drew ink to paper -
“ what am I doing ? ” work blew through my mind and the new years tongues and expectations gnawed at my bones.
thoughts of uncertainty echoed like church bells in the night, through my mindspace.
my soul feels like its questioning everything.
this morning i woke up - tired and overwhelmed from the whirlwind of my spinning mind. my hands slid down the softness of my sheets + i placed both hands on my beating heart.
“ it’s not about the doing - it’s about the being and you’re already here. “
body where are you moving to so fast?
it’s all coming for you - this call to your highest self and the universe is going to hold you.
i softened back into my bones, as i reminded myself it’s okay to re-write the script.
to re-create the plan for what serves today’s dreams of brighter light.
i took a moment to recognize how drastically the roadtrip home - has shifted my geographical location of home and everything that surrounded it’s shelter.
honour the process and grieve letting go of the plan.
grieve and open space to feel something more.
the plan has got you to exactly where you need to be - and now you’ve grown bigger then that plan can hold you to.
as we release - expectations of who we thought we should be to step into the next phases of who we are becoming
we choose to meet ourselves on the path, when we find our truth in trusting.
rolling over to bathe in the support of the sunlight seating into my window- my open palm knocked the remnants of last nights cocoa onto the carpet below-
darling.
time out.
i think its time for a tea.
day 03
Date: January 03 2019
Soundtrack : Long Distance Kindness Bomb Podcast with Janne Robinson.
Location: Open Hearts Wellness Studio
Local Time: noon.
Feeling: alignment.
it’s landing, sweeter now.
rested body.
morning movement as the sun returned to kiss my skin.
i drew a bath as I brewed a coffee + cued a podcast.
romancing myself - with the luxury of slowing down to create space for what’s ahead.
as heavy waters spiralled into the drainpipe the bare silhouette of my body mirrored back to me -
we are the strongest when embodying the insides of our outlines- not the identities we choose to wear ontop of them.
the truest embodiment of self.
the most influential teachers are the ones who remember they are influential by the way in which they choose to move through the world.
the eyes they meet - when they choose to show up, choosing love in the face of fear - standing tall despite everything else, there they are.
wet footprints gave me away as i tiptoed out the of bathtub to grab my journal - inspiration soaked in with the suds, as i released expectations of where i told myself i needed to be.
and softened into who i am becoming.
day 04
tasting notes:
carrot ginger miso dressing
1 clove garden fresh garlic
1 small “nub” of ginger.
2 small garden picked carrots - chopped fine.
2 tbsp of local maple syrup
( tapped on site )
1.5 tbsp miso
1 tbsp extra virgin oil
1/2 cup of hot water
blend together
+ spread with love.
Date: January 04 2019
Soundtrack: Iron and Wine -Call it Dreaming
Location: a dear friends home - a safe haven.
Local Time: potluck time.
Tasting Notes: brown rice bowls with carrot ginger miso dressing.
Feeling: the nourishment of sisterhood.
inspiration whispered around us - as we showed up, unraveled, uncoiled and washed ourselves clean of expectation, in the hands of belonging.
a healthy digestion of the moments we live.
fed full though concious conversation and togetherness.
calling to our lips the fruition of what it means to be whole.
day one : 2019
Date: January 01 2019
Location: Riding Mountain National Park
Local Time: 12:34pm
Soundtrack: Matt Corby - Miracle Love
Tasting Notes: Salted Cashew Coffee ( tasting notes below )
Feeling: Grounded in my body and falling in love, dreaming of my own life.
new years eve 2018.
-45 degrees.
snowsuits and bottles of champagne.
bonfire crackles louder than could span the frozen waters we kissed upon, as the green shimmer of the northern lights danced around us.
morning came faster than i could anticipate, as i crawled out of the nestled sheets beside you to catch the sunrise, a promise i had made to myself as the new year trickled in. i slowly tip-toed up the creaking wood stairs until my toes found the plush of the carpet that spanned across the living room floor and my knees sunk into its comfort. i perched my body against the cold sill of the frosted window and watched. witnessed. remembered.
matt corby - miracle love. floods repeat in the background.
“bring back that miracle love. it’s so hard to believe but i barley can see where we came from. ”
sunlight kissed the edges of the path that walked us home earlier that morning, and i could still hear the echos of the embers burning as another year caught flame.
my body held captive by the landscape painted
in-front of me.
my bones soulfully remembered what i was made to be a part of.
the frozen lake, a blank canvas, echos to the possibility ahead.
my soul yearns to wash clean in the spanning wisdom of large bodies of water and aches to be towered over by trees that hold knowledge bigger than my mind has space for, who’s roots remind us of just how transient life really is and how tiny but necessary we really are.
i’m called here.
back to my roots.
back to my true nature.
remember me? she whispered.
the girl that sparked her own flames so bright they spread like wildfires disguised as chills across bodies, the one who light up burnt out living rooms with the energy of her laughter.
yeah her.
well this ones for her.
“we got carried away, all the love that I was blind to.” the song whispered back.
( + ) morning mantra : i am the whispers of my heart.
Tasting Notes: Salted Cashew Coffee
1 cup of your favourite beans
.5 cup of raw soaked cashews
1 tsp maca powder
1 pinch of rock salt ( optional )
blend + sprinkle cinnamon ontop to taste.
sip slow.
feel, it’s your bodies way of calling you home.
feel, it’s your bodies way of calling you home.
.
i’ve learned to welcome safety back into my bones, to let the mummers of my heart whisper the wisdom i needed to hear, feeling allowed me to i uncover what was real for me. when i slowed down enough to listen, I learned from lessons i had hid from.
i didn’t always love + honour all of my pieces.
i’ve felt scared, unsure + lost in my mind trying to figure life out in my head instead of feeling through it in my body. i tried to craft life in my mind, instead of touching into it with my own sacred hands.
why?
because feeling can be scary + we’ve been conditioned to think a whole lot of clouded nonsense about feelings, and how it makes us less than.
less than what?
we’ve spent a lot of our lives being told we shouldn’t feel + that we will be a stronger + more established when we have ‘ourselves put together.’
so where’s the disconnect?
feeling is the very thing that allows us to understand ourselves. feelings are information.
to collect all of our pieces, to become who we are.
.
i’ve always felt a lot, but i wasn’t always made safe to feel. growing up i was told i was ‘too sensitive’ that feelings made me weak.
i crawled out of my body + into the stories of my mind, to feel less. which in turn made me feel, less than. i looked for worth in the doing + forgot what it meant to embody worth simply by remembering to be.
self-worth is found in the remembrance of our own sacred being + trusting it.
choosing to see yourself exactly as you are, isn’t always easy- it requires us to feel, the whole spectrum of emotion that our bodies have the capacity to hold.
.
this body, it feels deep.
it cries when it witnesses another grieving + receiving the love they deserve. i cry a lot- it’s my bodies way of leaning in + letting go. feeling gives voice to needs + desires. .
it takes courage to feel, it takes strength to soften.
feeling calls us to get real about the human experience we are having + it asks us to welcome in lost pieces of our stories.
.
our bodies need us to feel, it’s actually the strongest thing we can do.
let’s change our relationship to feeling.
feel, it’s your bodies way of calling you home.
soften ; let love in.
soften;
love needs a safe
space to land.
i’m learning to be softer these days.
to breathe compassion into my resistance.
sometimes, because of past experiences that have left us tender we begin to sub-consciously create hard edges around our hearts to ensure they don’t crack open + pour out all over again.
so instead of feeling deeper, we resist what has the potential to be good, light + full of feeling at all.
we control our realities out of fear (valid) of being hurt or wrong + we disconnect with what may have the opportunity to feel warm again.
we can miss the invitation of life’s current realities trying to micromanage or safeguard our own.
what if in moments of resistance, we choose softness?
we choose to let it be + let it in.
we choose to remember that we deserve to feel good.
we extend our palms open, tilt our heads back + let feeling good have a space to enter into our bodies.
it’s in the softest of places, the light finds its way in once again, we just have to have the courageous conversations with ourself to let it, even in the hardest of spaces.
.
through softness we learn to reclaim our relationship to love.
cleanse
last week i pulled the bus over on the side of the highway.
heart beat mimicked the pace of speeding cars as i swung open the side door.
quicker than i could pull my keys out of the ignition, i ran barefoot across paved yellow lines.
i ran towards the closet body of water - only to meet meet the depths of my own. unbuckled. stripping flower coveralls down sun bathed legs - i took the plunge.
ice water enveloping my bare torso, i felt an acceptance of my body that was previously unmet.
it was here i washed my soul clean of any disconcerting notions that my skin and my bones were not enough to feel the rush of life within them.
.
we hold back. losing ourselves in the tides of our minds tsunamis.
wash your stained stories clean. walk yourself to the river and give permission come clean.
find shelter here. touch source. as you feel each toes dip into pebbled sands watch the ripples that emit and rid of the excess, clearing any time you were made to feel you weren't gorgeous.
.
make every new step barefoot. sole to soul to embrace every sun kissed freckle that makes you the ocean you are.
cranbrook, b.c 05 / 15 / 18
0.1
FOLD INTO YOURSELF
we spend a lot of time fitting stars into squares. changing ourselves, to entertain another.
we so quickly cut down our own edges, to ensure they will perfectly fit into the confines of another's outline.
we long to belong and in that space we begin to lose ourselves.
we’re doing ourselves a disservice, shrinking into the circumference of another’s container only cutting ourselves down in the process.
we find ourselves pinched, compressed and with no room to breathe life into the the intricacies of who we are becoming.
it's in this process of external belonging, we internally detach from ourselves.
don't sever ties from the very pieces that make you whole.
you’re forcing what’s not meant to fit.
in it's place, fold into yourself.
invite yourself in.
explore the container of your embodiment and soften into the outline of your own edges.
hold space for yourself.
breathe into your becoming.
i own a tiny home.
world. my new babe
LJ #buslife.
i promised you i would rise with the rumble, show up and refuse to play small.
so, it’s about time i share something with you- and in turn, i’m finally admitting it to myself.
i’ve always had a “bucket list dream” if you will. this dream sat on the shelf stuffed behind fear, stuck behind a fork in the road that turned left at the conventional path, road blocked by improper timing, clouded by left brain thinking and stifled by the can i really do this? the bucket got so heavy, it broke the shelf. i watched the created life pieces laid out in front of me and as i reimagined how they would romantically fit together- i listened to the call of my heartbeat guiding me home. when dreams become a reality, and reality becomes your dreams.
the bucket was filled with - " LAURA, take all you’ve learned and loved to live for, and do that. as a photographer and community developer build your portfolio, and take it on the road. live minimally to create space for what matters most. travel coast to coast canada to lean into people, and learn and share their stories. build capacity in community by creating opportunities for people to come together, thrive and rise in who they are and remember that my days are fuelled by sharing the power of human connection. .
so, i bought a bus.
a proud TINY HOME MOMMA.